The death of a loved one is one of the most painful and stressful experiences a person can go through in this life. We all know death comes to us eventually, and it’s slightly easier to bear when the person lived a long happy life and slipped easily into death of natural causes at age 97. It’s much harder to bear when it involves suicide, accident, murder, or the death of a child.

When tragic deaths occur sometimes people want to consult a medium right away. They want answers and comfort. They want to know if the deceased made it to the other side or if they are stuck in limbo. Sometimes they want details of a murder so they can find the perpetrator. Sometimes they simply want to know why.

But should you consult a medium in the early days following your loved one’s death?
No, it’s not a good idea. Here’s why:

When reading people who are deeply in the throes of grief their sadness affects my ability to tune in. When I open up to spirit I am also opening up to my client. Because of my empathy, I feel the emotional pain of my client deeply. To connect with a deceased person I have to stay objective and neutral. So I have to tune out my client’s grief which means I’m closing a channel that could otherwise be useful to me in creating a strong connection with the deceased loved one. It affects the strength of the connection. I can still do it, but not as easily or well.

If you were suddenly thrown into a country where you didn’t speak the language, how long would it take you to be able to communicate effectively with the people around you? When someone crosses over they are not automatically able to connect with a human medium to send messages to their loved ones. They have to learn how to do it. Every medium works slightly differently, so the deceased person has to figure out what frequency the medium is on and match it. Mediums use clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience and claircognizance to connect with those on the other side. A deceased person sometimes comes to me in images, or talks to me in my head, or makes me feel what they felt when they died. There are many variables, which have to line up for me to make a connection, and working with newly deceased energy is like talking to a newborn.

I know you want to hear from your loved ones immediately, but they may not be ready to talk. There’s a lot going on for them. They might still be processing their own death and may not even be aware that someone is trying to communicate with them. They sometimes need to get situated, work out some karma, find their way “home” before they can relax and consider the needs of those they left behind. Be patient. Sometimes another deceased relative will speak on behalf of the new arrival. Be open to whoever wants to come through with information.

You want answers. You want to know why your loved one was taken from you or why they chose to leave so soon or so suddenly. Sometimes answers are forthcoming and sometimes they’re not. Sometimes it’s not for you to know why, in the grand scheme, a person left this incarnation. Perhaps you’ll never know, or perhaps you’ll see why later. Sometimes it’s part of a major growth experience for you, and giving you answers without you searching for them robs you of that growth experience. If deceased loved ones could tell us everything there was to know about life and death there would be a lot of lottery-winning psychics on Earth right now! We may not be privy to the reasons why. Trust in the universe, and know that you will someday reunite with your loved one on the other side and know for sure what happened.

You should consult a medium when your grief is under control and not raw. Usually three months is the minimum amount of time you should wait after someone has died before consulting a medium. Longer if you’re still grieving really hard. It’s not that you have you wait until you no longer care about your deceased loved one, it’s that you need to be strong and open, and not falling down under the weight of grief. You want to lend the medium your strength, not ask her to hold you up while also dialing the other side.

Yes. If a deceased person is interested in communicating with the living, they can learn how. Knocking down photos, sending a scent into the air, stopping your clocks or your electronics, coming to you in dreams, coming to others in dreams to get a message to YOU, leaving coins in odd places, putting “their” song on the radio when you’re thinking about them, and cold breezes are just a few of the ways the dead will try to communicate with you. Be on the lookout and pay attention. When you start getting signs, it’s a good bet a medium will be able to reach the deceased person.

Grieving Steps

    • Denial: Pretending it is not so, numbness, shock, this often is experienced to protect us from the realization of the degree of our loss.
    • Release of emotions: flood of tears, sobbing, realization of the degree of loss, this is the beginning of healing.
    • Depression: often exhibited as isolating behavior or feeling of loneliness, truly a need to reach for help.
    • Physical Sensations: A hole in the pit of your stomach; lump in your throat; tightness in your chest; constant sighing; excessive tiredness; weakness of body; lack of energy; unusual headaches.
    • Panic: a feeling that one is unable to cope with the future, or a feeling of being incapable of going on.
    • Guilt: ranging from the common sense of one’s trivial shortcomings to intense feelings often experienced in the loss of a child, or when there are unresolved conflicts, or in the case of suicide.
    • Anger: at the deceased for dying, or at anyone who might be blamed for the death, or at God. Also, anger at self, for all the things that might have been done or said, but were not done or said. This is very common, but may be hard to share or express.
    • Talking Need: talk to someone caring and trusted to talk about memories, express feelings, and find meaning in the decease’s life.
    • Positive Actions: example would be working to avoid similar deaths for others, reaching out to persons similarly deceased or bereaved, completing projects of, or on behalf of deceased. These are very healing and relieve a great deal of guilt and anger in steps 6 and 7.
    • Readjustment: taking part in new relationships and experiences. Life goes on with a true sincere sense of gratitude for our positive memories of the deceased relationship with us. It may take years or even months to us to reach this step.
    • Be kind to yourself: be gentle on yourself and your soul, healing is a process that is difficult to understand. Unless someone is walking in your shoes it is often times hard for others to completely understand each persons individual pain. We all heal at a different pace and different stages all of which hinge on your current life circumstances. Example: A spouse dies, leaving behind the other spouse, children, parents, siblings, friends etc… Each person is going to handle grief different. The living spouse will more likely be the first put on the “brave face” due to the children, and depending on the ages and activities will likely try not to disrupt the routine. If children are older, the spouse may not bounce back as quick. There is more downtime and less activity in life, more time to absorb grief. The same would apply to the rest of the family as well. It’s not that one person loved more or less it’s an individual, emotional and personal experience.

Remember you are not alone; there are many resources available to you; Family, friends, professional counselors, grief groups, mediums to help you during your process of healing.